Yes! I am a Mother!

Mother, Mummy, Mom, Ma …

If you could answer, what would be your reply to the question who is mother? What is the hype all about mothers and motherhood? Well, I feel a mother is someone whose heart has been blessed with lots of love within it. God created mother in this way. And He Himself describes His love with the example of mother’s love.

I got to know this special relationship on the day when I became MOM for the first time. My situation was critical. I wasn’t even full term when he arrived in this world. I was just 33 weeks when I had an emergency cesarean section even though a-lot happened during my whole pregnancy, which I will surely let you know further. Now let’s begin.

You would have heard about mother’s instinct right. And well, yes, mother’s instincts are never wrong, even when the baby is still within her. It was 7th June 2018 (23rd Ramazan), Thursday. It was a weekend and as usual it was our trip to my in-law’s place for a day. So I packed everything and was ready. We were about to leave in 2 hours. I started to feel something weird. I can not describe that feeling well, but it wasn’t something good. My husband was about to leave for the office when I asked him to leave me at the doctor’s office. He too sensed that I was pretty sure something wasn’t right. I just wanted to be sure before leaving for my in-law’s place.

Before moving further, let me tell you that this was a high-risk pregnancy. I was hypertensive and my amniotic fluid was low at 22 weeks. I had 8 tablets for hypertension. I even got treatments for low amniotic fluid. Uterine artery resistance was also low due to which blood supply was insufficient, resulting in IUGR (Intra Uterine Growth Resistance). At 33 weeks, he was measuring 29 weeks. So yes, this visit was really important.

I reached the hospital at about 9 pm and waited for the doctor for at-least an hour. I didn’t know that I could go in without waiting as it was an emergency. I am glad I had the best gynecologist with me. She got my ultrasound done and informed me that it was an emergency as the baby was not receiving enough blood, which is really risky for the baby. At the moment, my blood pressure was 190/160. She transferred me to the top hospital with the best Neonatal ICU facility. Thanks to this wonderful lady, Dr Fouzia, who helped me at every step without being selfish. She gave out of box suggestions. She was like an angel sent from God just for me. She always tried to keep me calm and never presented the news in a way to panic us. She made up my mind to have a cesarean section as the baby’s weight was too low and he wouldn’t be able to bear the induction contractions. So we got our insurance things done as soon as possible and shifted to the new hospital.

It was 1 a.m. I was hooked up to CTG and my blood pressure was continuously monitored. The on-duty doctor there said that the baby is good and we can wait for a day, but they won’t discharge me because of high blood pressure. She said as it’s Friday, there won’t be any doctors unless it’s an emergency and also that they want to monitor me until Saturday. So I insisted my husband to leave and get something to eat for Suhoor. The doctor made him sign the consent form for cesarean section so that in case of an emergency, they wouldn’t have to wait for him.

It was around 4:30 a.m when he left. Just after 5 minutes, the ctg started getting abnormal and my blood pressure unstable. The baby’s heartbeat started dropping from 145 to 50-60 beats. It was really serious. The doctor came in and informed us about that and said to get prepared for an emergency cesarean section. I was hell scared. I could write essays about how that moment felt. It was like everything was falling apart. Will my baby be fine? Will he survive? Will he have any complications? This was all I was thinking. I called my husband and he started again to the hospital. The nurses were rushing in and out. I asked one of the nurses to wait until my husband come, but she said a minute couldn’t be wasted as it was really serious and the baby should be out as soon as possible. I had no one beside me at that time. How terrible could it be when it’s your first baby, your first cesarean-emergency cesarean actually! The nurses placed a catheter and transferred me to the OR (Operating Room). Before entering, the anesthesiologist asked some questions and informed me that I would be given double spinal anesthesia doses as my blood pressure was really high and a single dose could wear off easily. I entered the OR, craving a glance of my husband once before the cesarean I asked the nurse with tears in my eyes, could you please just ask my husband to stand in front of the door? And she was really nice about doing that. She went out and called my husband at the entrance and there it was. I couldn’t control my tears. We couldn’t talk, but I could feel and understand what he was trying to say. He would always say to me one thing, that God had given us this, He would always take care of the baby and us. So, remembering those words, the anesthesiologist starts his procedure. And Ouch!!! That hurts a lot. It was terrible for me. I was made to lie down and the procedure started. I was really nervous. I couldn’t stop talking to the anesthesiologist who was standing near me. I don’t know what all the shit I said to him. I was feeling every cut and movement and pressure over there. It was not like I was having pain, but you could feel everything. The doctor even said, just after he cut open, “Where is the water?” How was the baby still surviving? It’s all a miracle, right SubhanAllah. But yeah, within 5 minutes, I guess, at 5:28am, my Baby Moosa was born and the doctor said listen to your baby. He is crying and he is fine. I stressed myself to listen and yeah, that very small voice of a baby crying was a blessing and I can still feel that till now. But I wasn’t able to hold him or see him as he was really very tiny. He was only 1.3 kg (1300 grams) at birth. He was immediately shifted to NICU. The doctors stitched me up and shifted me to the recovery room. I was having chills and I guess that’s pretty common after delivery. The staff there were excellent. They took great care of me. Amidst all the hush hush going on, the hilarious thing about my husband was that he was still trying to figure out what had just happened. He was completely astonished to see the baby coming out of OR within 5–8 minutes of me being taken inside. He really couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw tiny baby Moosa being taken to the NICU. Ah! The Daddy thing!!

The husband was with the baby in the NICU and there doctors informed him about his health. Here I again want to thank my previous gynecologist, Dr. Fouzia, my angel doctor, who asked me to get lung maturity shots at 30-31 weeks, which helped baby Moosa a lot. Alhumdulilah Within 1-2 hours, his oxygen mask was removed as he could breathe on his own. But yes, his weight was very low and he needed to be in the NICU until he got to 1.8 kgs. So it was a long journey.

I was shifted to my room after almost 6 hours at around 12pm because my blood pressure dropped too low (70/40) right after the cesarean. Ohh! coming to the pain, it was horrible as the anesthesia wore off. I wasn’t able to move for almost 10 hours. The doctor came at 6 pm and I asked him about visiting my baby in the NICU as I hadn’t seen him yet. The doctor gave me strict advice to get up as soon as possible to be able to visit the baby. The more I move, the more I will be able to recover soon. The nurse came at 6:30pm and removed the catheter and asked me to get out of bed. She was a lovely lady. She helped me, but oh God, those first movements after the cesarean were awful. When I stood up, it felt like flesh cutting and falling apart. I felt like my body was ripping apart. But then I recalled what the doctor had said and yeah, I wanted to meet my baby as soon as possible, so I tried to bear the pain and walk. It was horrible the first day. The whole night, I kept calling the nurse to help me get out of bed. I had my pain medicine given through IV and also blood thinner injections so that I didn’t develop a blood clot..

The next day, my husband came in the morning. And I was ready to visit baby Moosa. I tried and was determined not to use a wheelchair. I was on the 8th floor and NICU was on the 6th. I went there walking on my own with the help of my husband. As we entered the NICU, there were lots and lots of babies in there. I was searching for my baby Moosa. The nurse led us to the baby. He was being given phototherapy in blue light. As I saw him, I was in complete shock. He was so very tiny. I was unable to believe what I was seeing. Anyways, I couldn’t actually be there for long because it was my second day of CS. They didn’t feed him for 2 days and he was on IV fluids because they wanted to just start with breastmilk, the liquid gold actually. On the 3rd day, I started expressing and gave it to the NICU nurse. Then the next day, as I had shown no sign of distress or any complications, the doctor discharged me. But my baby Moosa had to stay in the NICU. Coming back home with an empty hand was really awful. But Alhumdulilah he was in safe hands. I would literally cry the whole night thinking about the movements and kicks that weren’t there anymore. He stayed in NICU for 37 days. Those were the hardest days of my life. May Allah grant health and long life to my baby Moosa. Ameen.

If you would like to know about my baby’s NICU journey, do let me know as it was also in itself complicated. The hardest time in my life. Do comment if you like to know more..

In coming blogs I will be discussing the NICU journey, the importance of liquid gold, skin to skin and, most importantly, postpartum depression. Till then take care. Hope you like my birth story

Thank you all.

AMNA SHAFIQ

Proud Wife and Mother of 2.